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To enjoy motherhood more has been on my mind lately. Just because becoming a mom was the only thing I could ever dream of, doesn’t mean it’s a walk in the park.
It’s hard.
Being a mom is just plain hard. There are days and moments when I feel rewarded, but they are definitely not as many as the days and moments I feel frustration. Can you relate to this?
Part of this may be that motherhood is a journey that begins with you. It is a process of becoming something better than you are now because your little ones are depending on it.
They need you to be the best you can be and they need your love. Your undivided attention, your time, your gifts and talents. Basically everything that you can bring to the table is required of you… and more.
This is no cake-walk for sure. As I thought about what helps me to enjoy motherhood more, I came up with 11 ways.
1. Record and Recognize Sweet Moments
There are some moments in motherhood that are precious. Sometimes you want to just “bottle up” that moment so you can recall it when you need it. We all want to enjoy motherhood more!
I have found that these moments are not all the time.
They are more rare than frequent, however, recognizing them is key in learning how to enjoy those moments and enjoy motherhood altogether!
Record These Moments
Make sure you “record” these moments…write them down! Do it today! Do it every day if you feel the need!
Journal them or keep track of them somehow because things will change in a hurry and you will need to draw upon the strength and love you feel in these moments.
There will be times you will need to go back and read your words, your feelings and the love you were feeling at certain joyous moments.
2. Take Pictures of Your Kids & Display Them
Another thing I have found is that pictures help to “capture” that feeling of love to draw on later.
I remember watching a TV reality show once and they were talking to this mom who was having a really hard time with some challenging kids.
In order for her to “remember” how much these kids mean to her, they created a wall of special photos of her kids that “captured” that feeling of love for them that she could draw on when needed.
Whenever she was feeling super frustrated and needed to be reminded of how much she loved her kids, she could come to that special wall and quietly look at all the beautiful photos of her children.
This became a sacred place in her home.
Those feelings of love and concern would then come back and she would feel more patient.
That strong love she felt for her kids would return and she was ready again, with more patience, for the battles ahead.
This helped her enjoy motherhood more. It helped her to “remember” the “why”.
The other benefit of displaying precious pictures of our kids is that they love it! What little kid doesn’t like seeing pictures of themselves?? Seriously…. there is an emotional benefit to children that helps them feel more loved.
3. Take a break, Refocus…Seriously
I call this refocusing. Sometimes, we as moms, need a break or a “time out” to collect our thoughts and emotions and remember how much we really do love our children.
Instead of getting caught up in the emotion of a situation, sometimes it’s needful that we step back and collect our thoughts before dealing with a difficult issue.
I would love to say that I always do this, but I don’t. I have to be reminded that they are just kids and that I am an adult!
Sometimes moms literally need a break. (Before they’re “broken”. ) After the kids have been sick or a particularly hard day, enlist the help of someone so you can just sit and think for a minute.
You need to have time to catch your breath or even enjoy a hobby or creative outlet for a little bit. This helps us keep our identity as well.
Taking care of yourself doesn’t need to make you feel guilty.
It’s an important part of being a better mother and enjoying motherhood more.
If you are not at your best, you can’t be the best mom. You need to take care of yourself and nourish yourself before you have enough to give to your kids.
You can’t draw water from an empty well.
4. Remember We Are All “Learners”
We have to remind ourselves that our children are learning and growing. Sometimes that’s quite painful for us as moms, depending on the challenge we are facing.
Just remember that we are also learning and growing and often our weaknesses are amplified in our children and it’s hard to fix them without first fixing ourselves!
I think I mentioned before in a post that I sometimes like to watch my children when they sleep after a particularly hard day.
This helps me refocus and reminds me of why I do what I do.
I love these kids so much! They are beautiful little spirits learning to navigate this tough world.
My kids need all the help they can get and they need me to be patient and kind.
They don’t need me to make things harder on them. What they really need a whole lot of love and patience, which is sometimes really hard.
So remembering that we are all learning sure helps!
5. Listen for and Enjoy the Happy Sounds of Motherhood
Kids playing and laughing are some of the most cherished sounds. How about the sounds of a cooing baby? Is there anything sweeter?
Have you ever listened in on children having a conversation?
It’s a choice experience that helps me enjoy motherhood. One that brings pure joy to my heart.
I like to listen to my
It’s so fun to hear them negotiate and compromise. My little 4-year-old is always so concerned for her older sister. That is her absolute best friend.
If I ever give Allie a treat or candy, she will always put out her other hand and say, “One for Hannah?”
The Sounds of Looking Out For Each Other…
Those are happy sounds! When my children look out for each other and are concerned for the welfare of each other, I know that they are “getting it”. (Well, at least at that moment, they were “getting it!” haha! )
I also love it when they help other children. Daily I hear of stories from school about who got hurt and who helped the person that got hurt. These are good sounds.
The sound of children concerned for other children is what it is all about.
We should all be concerned about the welfare of others. This is a life skill I want them to learn. It is also a deeply religious belief of “loving one another” that I want to encourage.
There Are Plenty of Unhappy Sounds
As mothers, each day we face and hear so many unhappy sounds that some days seem like forever!
The whining child, the teething child, the noisy child, the tattling child, the fighting child…all of these sounds can drain us and exhaust our strength, but “enjoying” and “recognizing” the happy sounds helps to “fill our buckets back up”, so to speak.
Stop, listen and enjoy those happy sounds, because they only last for moments. These sounds are a gift and help us enjoy motherhood.
6. Watch for Little Thoughtful Gestures and the Pure Love of Children
I am reminded often of the genuine thoughtfulness of children. They are so innocent and pure. They love without holding back.
The Bible teaches us that “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.”—Matthew 18:3
I recently witnessed my daughter Allie receive a Birthday present with these little puppies and panda bears that she could play within this little “doll” house thing.
She was absolutely delighted at this gift and when she opened it, she immediately told her older sister Hannah that she could play with the puppies and that she (Allie) would play with the bears.
Hannah objected slightly and said she loved Panda Bears, so quickly Allie agreed and said, “ok, you play with the Panda Bears and I will play with the puppies.”
I was amazed at her willingness to not just share but to share what she wanted first and still be happy with the arrangement.
This small moment brought joy into my heart and helped me to enjoy motherhood that day. It was rewarding.
Kids Can Love Purely
I love that kids can make things so simple, change course and agree quickly.
Now, I know that this isn’t always the case, believe me…I know, however, this situation reminded me of their ability to love purely and without hesitation.
Allie wasn’t worried about what she “got out of it”, she was worried that Hannah would be happy and would play with her.
Just today, I heard someone in Allie’s room as the kids were getting ready to leave for school. As I peeked in her room, Hannah was there in her backpack and coat softly giving sleeping Allie a hug goodbye.
It was the sweetest gesture because Hannah knows how much Allie loves her and wants Hannah to say goodbye every day in the mornings.
Being aware and acknowledging these thoughtful gestures helps me enjoy motherhood. It even makes me want to be better.
7. Don’t Worry About the Small Stuff
There is a book I enjoy reading called, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and It’s All Small Stuff,” by Richard Carlson. (#paid link)
I love the book, and he makes a good point about how we all get worked up over “small things.” Sometimes the things we worry about are really of little significance.
Don’t Let Small Troubles Steal Your Joy
When we are so worked up over little things, this steals our joy and prevents us from enjoying motherhood the way we should.
It’s easier to say it than recognize it when you’re in the midst of a temper tantrum on the floor of a store.
We want the tantrum to “go away” so bad and not embarrass us that we will sometimes “give in” to their demands just to save us a little trouble and embarrassment.
Sometimes it’s this way with teenagers. We don’t want to “rock the boat” with them, so we give in far more than we should just to avoid conflict.
Recognize What the Small Stuff Is, The Results are the Big Stuff
Prepare yourself now that these tantrums and fits that the kids throw are in a sense the “small stuff.” The results we get from teaching correct principles are huge. That’s the big stuff.
Start now with the “end” in mind….what we want our children to become.
8. Stop Worrying About Who’s In Charge
Ok, this is a big one, but it’s so important in the long run of whether or not you enjoy motherhood more. Believe me, it’s taken me a long time to learn this and I still have to constantly remind myself!
When I was a young mother, I had so much “control” over my kids. It was me who was clearly “in charge.”
It’s funny to look back now and realize how silly that was. Actually, I feel embarrassed. What was I thinking?
I picked what they wore, when they wore it, etc. I couldn’t believe the moms that would let their kids wear crazy costumes to the store.
Why? Because I was “sweating” the “small stuff”. It’s not going to ruin them or you if they wear their princess outfit to Walmart. I promise you will survive, and so will they!
Imagine what they will learn when the wind and snow blow through that little sheer costume on your trip to the store… they probably won’t do that again in the winter. 😉
Let Them Make Some Decisions
Expect that when you allow your children to make some decisions, they are going to make some mistakes. Did you feel that sigh of relief?
That means you don’t have to carry the weight of every decision! Feel the freedom? It means you are not to blame for everything! This also means they don’t have to be perfect!!!!
This is something I learned late, but it’s a wonderful lesson to learn. When our kids make decisions for themselves…. they don’t have anyone to blame. Did you hear that mom?
Yes, they are going to make some mistakes!
Just prepare yourself for it and watch for that opportunity to teach. It’s not going to ruin them.
It is, however, going to ruin them if you make every decision for them from the time they are old enough to make decisions until they leave home.
Sometimes we want our kids to be perfect and that’s just not possible. We need to lower our expectations a little of every perfect decision they will make.
They won’t make the best decisions every time…. they can’t, this is why we need to step back and let them “learn” from their choices when the stakes are low.
Look at what they are becoming instead of instant results. We need to keep the end in mind of what we want them to become.
Teach Them How To Consider Options/Consequences to Make Good Decisions
They don’t just “start making good decisions” when they leave home. You “teach” them how to make good decisions when the stakes are low. We need to “guide” them.
You help them learn from the natural consequences of their choices and you don’t swoop in and try to save them from the consequences. This is where the learning comes in.
A good book to read more on that is Love and Logic. (#paid link) There are some really good and practical ways to teach your kids about natural consequences.
This could mean that if they choose to do a sport, there are non-negotiable terms that you agree to like: not quitting.
For example, if your little darling decides to play soccer and at the second game decides they hate to run.
Well, this is when you put your arm around them and remind them that they chose this. Quitting is non-negotiable because they won’t learn or grow from that.
You don’t rescue them from their “pain.” You cheer them on through it!
Coach Them With Love
When they become young adults and the stakes are high, if you have taught them well, and helped them learn from their mistakes when they were younger, (which they will definitely make,) you enter the roll of trying to “coach” them through it as young adults.
Please Don’t Make All Their Decisions
The last thing we want to do, as parents, is to take credit for all their decisions or make all their decisions for them.
We do want them to grow up, move out on their own, and become good law-abiding citizens.
They don’t just become that if we do all the decision making for them and when they get themselves in trouble, we bail them out from any consequence they might face.
They also won’t do it if we just give them all the “reins” and say “good luck”. We have to be there to guide, to coach, to cheer them on every step of the way. This takes time and patience.
This means we don’t turn a blind eye to what’s going on or what we hope isn’t going on. This means we are involved. We are courageous moms. Yup, it’s work, but it’s worth it!
Give Up Control and Let Your Kids Grow
In my younger years as a mom, when I was way too controlling, I expected too much of my kids and let them grow too little.
When you make every decision for them, they begin to doubt whether or not they can make a good decision for themselves.
Then they ask you about every decision they have to make and what they should do. This is painful to watch, and also know that you had a hand in it.
Hopefully, at this point, you will be smarter than I was. You’ll recognize that perhaps maybe you haven’t been letting them make enough decisions and they are doubting themselves a little too much.
Now it’s time to step into “coaching” mode and give them a “pep talk” and tell them you believe in them!
They can do this! They need to do this for their own well being and for their future.
You Can’t Just Turn Them Loose
Imagine putting your kid on a saddled horse, giving them the “reins” and telling them good luck and turning them loose!
First of all, depending on the kid, they may not know that the “reins” connect to a bridle and control the horse’s head, which in turn, helps control the horse.
They wouldn’t know the horse’s temperament or quirks. They may not know what you should do or shouldn’t do with a horse.
You wouldn’t want to have them “figure it out on their own.” That would most likely not turn out too well.
Decision making is the same way. You don’t just “turn them loose” when they are 18 hoping that it all turns out well.
This means we need to teach, guide and coach them. We let them know how to do things and the why behind it.
This means time.
It means that we care enough to take the time and teach them how to be successful. We don’t just hope that they will “figure it out on their own.”
Life for them shouldn’t be “sink” or “swim”. It’s about giving our children the tools they need to make good decisions and the why behind it all.
Kids Need to Know That It’s Okay To Make A Mistake…They Can Work Through it!
Help them understand that if they make a mistake, that they can work through it and you will be there for them cheering them on. (Not doing it for them.)
Our children need to learn how to be resilient. Teaching them that they can work through their mistakes helps them be more resilient.
Help them realize that there is no growth in quitting. There is so much to be gained even from failed adventures or “striking out.”
9. Moms, Lower Your Expectations…
It’s All About Learning, Growing, and Becoming Better…I’m talking to All of Us Moms. Perfection is not coming in this life!
Being a mom is sometimes so hard that we run the roller coaster of emotions from exhaustion, anger, fear, worry, frustration, guilt, joy, happiness…you name it, we’ve felt it!
Sometimes all in the same day! lol Some days it’s really difficult to enjoy motherhood, but we have to remember this is a journey.
It’s not a race, it’s what we have become in the end and what our children become in the end that really counts.
We Are All Learning!… no mom is perfect! No Child is Perfect Either!
Knowing that we are all in this together and no one has it down perfectly the “first time”, or “second time,” or “third….” you get the point. I have eight kids, and I am still learning! (And still far from perfect!)
Each of us is given different gifts, talents, and experiences to draw from. We do the best we can, glean all we can from other moms and pray for guidance.
10. Share Your Motherhood Experiences With Other Moms
Sharing these tidbits of advice with each other is helpful to gain a new perspective and try something different that we may not have thought about.
I love talking to other moms and learning from them! It helps me keep things in perspective and enjoy motherhood more when I am able to share my struggles. (Or just to laugh with someone!)
When I was a young mother, I had a few friends that I could call for “help.” I wasn’t asking them to come over, I was just asking them to listen, laugh and cry with me.
Moms have an emotional need to talk and share. Sometimes those phone calls were the only things that got me through the day.
After talking on the phone and laughing about our experiences, I didn’t feel so alone. (Often I would wash the dishes while I was on the phone.)
I felt connected and that I could do it! There were also many times that I was able to gain better insight just by listening to my friends.
Now, I know that I’m outdated and that moms really don’t “talk” on the phone anymore.
Let me tell you, though, that actually picking up the phone and “talking” connects you better than texting and better than social media.
So if you don’t want to actually “talk” on the phone? Go out to lunch! Meet at the park and have a picnic with your kids. Connect in a “real” way, not a “virtual” one.
It will do you wonders! This helps you enjoy motherhood more. It will help you realize that we are all in this together!
11. Give Yourself Some Grace
Anyone that tells you that they love every minute of motherhood is just not being truthful. How could you?
There are some really hard things to deal with every day as a mom. Pray for guidance, and give yourself some grace. The Lord is the only one with all the answers for your kids.
I have boys and girls, and they are divinely different, and they each have their own personalities and each needs different things.
The best thing I can do for my children is to continue to seek the Lord’s guidance on a daily basis and just not give up!
I need to give it “my best,” even when I don’t feel like it. But I can’t continually “beat myself up” over every little mistake I’ve made. Forgive yourself and move on.
You can’t “parent” every child the same. They all have their own language of love. Some will not respond to certain types of discipline the same as others.
Some children require a whole lot more love and attention than others. They are each unique and different in their own way. This takes time and a whole lot of effort to figure out.
So to think that a “one-size fits all” type of parenting will work is just silly! We have to adjust!
You have to get to know your own child on a personal basis. Learn what they like and how you can “reach” them and “teach” them. It takes prayer, patience, and effort.
Hang in There! Don’t Give Up!
For all those moms out there that are struggling, hang in there! It is possible to enjoy motherhood, but recognize that it comes in moments.
Recognize those sweet moments that make your heart smile, and for heaven’s sake, write them down! So, it can carry you through the bad days!
Enjoy those happy sounds, watch for those kind gestures that are so innocent, and stop “sweating the small stuff.” Please help them make decisions on their own so they can grow up and be confident good people.
We can’t raise kids from the “couch” or from our phones.
Take a break from the “fake” and be present! Be aware of what’s going on in your kids’ lives.
Feel their pain, and help them through it. We can’t and shouldn’t take it from them, but we can definitely help them navigate through it all.
Being a parent takes a lot of blood, sweat, tears and time! Heavy on the time!
However, these days can still be very enjoyable when you know what to watch for. You shouldn’t worry about every little thing because you have the bigger picture in mind.
No One’s Perfect
Remember that kids are not perfect. They are learning and growing…just like we are as moms.
We’re not perfect. I’ve had to say my fair share of apologies for the mistakes I have made and put myself in “time-out.”
Giving each other a little “grace” and being forgiving helps us all down this path of life.
Remember to enjoy these days and learn to enjoy motherhood more by using these tips and just hang in there!
Don’t give up!
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Christopher Robin, Winnie the Pooh
You’ve got this! Try these 11 tips or just some of them and enjoy motherhood more today than you did yesterday!
~Amy
