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Now, this parenting thing is no easy job.  I have 8 kids and each one has a different personality and that requires a little bit of a different approach, depending on the problem. So how do I know if I am being too hard on my kids?  

Do You Have It Figured Out?

I definitely don’t have it all figured out, I don’t think anyone does.  This isn’t professional advice either, just something I can relate to and have observed. Take it for what it’s worth.

There is a lot of good parenting advice out there. There is a lot of good parenting advice that may not apply specifically to your situation.  

From bedtime routines, potty training, and breaking the binky habit, each of my kids has required a good deal of my patience and adjustment on my part.  I have had to be creative and prayerful.  (Heavy on the prayers!)

I have also had to say my share of apologies for not being what I should have been. Sometimes I start to wonder if I have really been too hard and worry about the effects it could have on my children. Have you ever felt this way?

2-Year-Old Trouble

Recently, as I was struggling with my 2-year-old tornado, and pondering my trouble with her, I was reminded of a horse we had growing up named Dandy.  

A Horse Named Dandy

Now Dandy was a beautiful buckskin quarter horse.  He was big, strong and had good breeding.  The only problem with Dandy was he was pretty spirited, and therefore wasn’t broke to ride. 

He had the potential to be an outstanding horse, but he needed quite a bit more training.  There were some cowboys that needed extra horses to go up in the mountains on a really difficult ride.  

They would be switching horses each day, as I remember, and they asked my parents if they could take Dandy.  They said that by the time they brought him back, he would be well-broke.  

Dandy Never Got A Break

So off went our horse.  Dandy had been so spirited and energetic, that they decided to not ever switch him out with another horse and give him a break.  

They rode and drove him the entire time.  

When they brought Dandy back, he was not only broken physically to ride, but his spirits had been broken too……and he was good for nothing.

Dandy was not only broke, but he was broken. 

Don’t break their Spirits…

Dandy never turned into the great horse he was intended to be because he had been driven too hard for too long.

As I remembered this horse and in thinking about my 2-year-old, I was reminded, again, that you can be too hard on kids and break their spirits.  

Kids definitely need good guidance and care but they also need to be needed, they need love, guidance and positive correction.  And sometimes, they need a break, just like us.

Take a Break, Catch Your Breath

I know that sometimes my patience isn’t up to the tasks of the day and that’s when I take a “time out” and break away to catch my breath.  

Sometimes just being reminded of our horse named Dandy is enough for me to be more careful about being too hard on my kids or “riding” them for every little thing.  

Watch Their Personalities For Direction

In order for our children to grow up and become what they need to be, they each need their own little personalities intact.  

We don’t want their little spirits to be broken!  

It helps if we watch their little countenances and see how they are reacting. After being disciplined, do they bounce back to their normal self within a reasonable amount of time?

If not, why? It is because they are struggling in other areas and their behavior is just a symptom of more trouble in the water? Is it because harsh words were used and we need to apologize?

Are we spending enough time with them? Do we show love to them? Is it clear that we praise them more than we correct them? Are we watching for things to praise them about? Do they know they are loved? Do they feel loved?

Is our phone or screen time a problem? Are they trying to get our attention because we are too preoccupied?

Finding the answers to these questions can definitely help see what is needed and where we may need to make some corrections. Being honest with ourselves certainly helps us know if we have been too hard on them.

What If This Is An Everyday Battle?

If this is a daily battle with them, we may need to carefully analyze the situation to see if we have created some bad habits that need to be fixed.

Sometimes, as parents, we get “stuck” on watching for this or that and constantly “ride” our kids in an effort to correct.

What can happen sometimes in the process is like my horse Dandy.

It eventually breaks their spirit. We don’t want that, and we need to be careful to watch, adjust, change course and be better.

Now I’m not saying to let bad behavior go, but what I am saying is to be careful in how we correct according to the child.

Find more positive ways to correct if needed. Being careful in the words we use and the way we use them also helps.

We need to be watching for the good in our kids, as well. There is a lot of good if we watch for it. This is something I am working on!

I am definitely not a perfect parent, and that’s why I have to be reminded that all that endless energy just needs a lot of love, patience, and direction.

So today, watch for something good in your kids. Praise a little, and give them a hug. Try correcting in a more positive way. Be careful not to “ride” them too much. Remember that love always helps every parenting situation!

Happy Parenting!

~Amy